Today I want to talk to you about rejection.
Now, this is a very important subject because a lot of guys avoid approaching women because they fear rejection. Most are paralyzed by it and it’s the main reason they don’t take any action.
I want to let you know that rejection is perfectly normal.
No matter how good your game gets, no matter what you learn, there’s nothing absolutely nothing that will help you avoid rejection! And I say this having been in the seduction community for over 18 years.
Even a guy with very good game, will still get rejected.
A lot of people don’t know this because the seduction gurus lie about it and say you can use “secret” techniques in order to avoid it. Their techniques actually lead you to even more rejection because when you use those techniques you become outcome dependent.
So what’s the REAL secret?
There is no magic pill to help you avoid rejection. The best thing to do is to accept it.
Around 50-60% of the girls you’ll meet doing cold approach will reject you. Even if your game is great, even if you’ve been at this for years, even if you are smooth as silk, you’re still going to have around 50 to 60% of girls that just reject you.
Now, rejection doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to be rude to you. Women aren’t going to tell you to “F@#k off” or slap you or throw a drink in your face just because you approached them. It’s very, very, very, very rare that a girl will have some kind of extremely negative response to your approach. I think the worst I’ve ever gotten is a “F%$K off!” Maybe you’ll get called a creep or something, but it’s very freaking rare to get such a harsh rejection.
Most rejections are soft rejections.
These are the ones where women either ignore you, tell you they have a boyfriend, walk away from you, say they’re busy or just make it clear they are not interested.
Still, any scenario where she is not giving you her number (or some form of contact info) is a rejection.
Even if she is really nice to you and pleasant, if she doesn’t give you her number, it is still a rejection.
This is just part of the game and a lot of guys try to do whatever they can to avoid it because rejection brings up past traumas or makes them feel bad.
Don’t be one of these guys. Go up to the women you want to go up to and start a conversation. Don’t try to avoid rejection.
Rejection and failures happen in just about any anything.
Most seduction gurus are selling bullshit systems while shouting, “If you buy my system, you’re not gonna get rejected!”
It’s simply not true.
I’ve tried everything under the sun, believe me. I’ve been there wanting to avoid rejection. And there’s no magic bullet. There’s no system. There’s no boot camp. There’s absolutely nothing that will help you avoid rejection. You should just learn to accept it as part of the game.
If you approach 30 girls with good game, assuming you’re not a newbie, you’ll typically get 10 to 15 numbers.
If your make hardcore approaches, you’ll get even less numbers. By hardcore, I mean you’re making challenging approaches that have very little chance of success. In other words, you’re not just making the easy approaches like for example – a girl sitting by herself on a bench or the approaches where a girl gives you IOIs. Those would be easy approaches.
A hardcore approach example would be approaching a girl that’s out with her mother. The girl usually feels kind of weird about it because she’s in front of her mom. And even if she likes you, the chance of that approach ending with you getting her number, is very low. I’m not saying you can’t do it, and you should still make that approach, but the chances of getting her number in front of her mom are slim.
I’ve had approaches where I went up to the girl and her mom and her mom was very happy for the girl. But you’re going to have approaches where the girl is just going to be like, “This is my mom.” She’s going to act kind of weird. It’s going to be kind of awkward. Usually, when you go for the number, the girl will reject you.
If you make hard core approaches, your number closing percentages will be even lower.
Another hardcore approach would be a girl who is with her three friends at a cafe and they’re sitting down and you’re coming in off the street. That’s going to be a hardcore approach, because not only are her friends there, but everybody in that cafe starts to look at you as soon as you start talking to her.
Especially if you’re standing while talking. It’s just going to make it that much more awkward and you’ll feel the social pressure of everyone staring. She’s going to feel even more of that social pressure. And this is where girls will typically be like, “Oh, I have a boyfriend.” Or maybe one of her friends will intercede.
Sometimes, though, the girl will stop her friends and say “No, it’s ok. I want to talk to him.” But like I said, low probability. Usually the girl you approach is passive.
Should you still make this type of approach?
Yeah, especially if you live in a big city and the chance of you seeing that girl again is zero.
You shouldn’t care. That’s the great thing about this. It’ll teach you not to care. And I want to make a comparison here.
The first very first approach I did was before I knew anything about the seduction community. I was a senior in high school and I was a freaking wuss. Every day I would pass by this section where there was this really super cute freshman girl. She would look at me kind of checking me out every day for about three weeks.
It took me that long to summon the courage to go up and talk to her. And I just kept imagining all these negative scenarios in my head. Crush and burn scenarios like “I’m going to go up to her and I’m going to say something stupid. She’s going to tell me to kill myself. Or maybe she will slap me?!?!”
And yeah, it was the dumbest thing ever because eventually, I did approach her. A few seconds into my approach, I started sweating profusely and my stomach cramped up so bad I was in pain.
I don’t know why it happened; I was just very nervous. My voice cracked several times.
It was really crazy, but I survived and I got her number, and we actually did end up going on one date. I fumbled it. No worries though because at least I approached her and it went pretty well. She never slapped me or did any of the crazy bad things I imagined in my head.
And this is the point I want to make.
Sometimes you’ll have a girl that you really, really, really like, and you won’t make the approach because of things going on in your mind. But if you don’t make the approach, you’ll regret it. I still regret some approaches I didn’t make. I thought about them a lot. For a long time. However, I don’t regret the ones I made because I did them. I approached. There is no “what if” haunting my thoughts. There was nothing more I could do.
And you know, there is a bit of randomness to this. The girl also decides if she wants to talk to you or not. So as long as you make the approach, that’s what’s important. What happens afterwards is not that important. You can NOT control her reaction; you can only control your action.
It’s important that you make the approach. Not only because you’ll miss out on a particular girl, but more that it will give you the confidence to approach future girls.
One day you will see your blueprint girl. The girl that looks exactly as you’d like her to look. The hair color you want. Has the body you like. Breasts you like. Voice of an angel.
When she appears, you’ll be ready to approach her due to all your previous practice and the build up of confidence from constant approaching.
And you should go up and approach her because you never know what can happen. A lot of times these girls will be very receptive to you. You just don’t know that yet because you’re not approaching them, so start taking action. Start approaching.
If I told you, “You can have your ideal girl if you approach 30 other cute girls before her”, how quickly would you make those approaches? How quickly would you get the “No’s” out of the way? Very quickly, right? Because you know that if you approach 29 cute girls, you’ll get your one.
Realize that you’re not going to be liked by every girl you approach. Just like if 100 girls came up to you and approached you, you’re not going to like every one of those girls. You’ll probably reject over half of them.
It’s the same scenario when you approach. If you go up to 100 girls, you’re not going to be compatible with all of them. You’re not going to get along with about half of them. Its normal. A lot of them are going to reject you too. And that’s fine.
I believe that rejection forges you into someone who is better. So just like a swordsmith takes that smoldering iron or steel out of the forge and begins hitting it with that hammer over and over and over and forging it into a beautiful sword. That’s the same thing rejection does for you.
Every hammer is like a rejection, and it stings initially.
At first, it really stings because you’re putting a lot of your self-worth into your approaches. You’ll believe that that person rejecting you has a direct impact on your self-worth and that’s not true at all.
That girl doesn’t know who you are. She’s basically acting on her instincts of not being receptive to a man approaching her. A lot of times, I think it has to do with her own headspace or where she’s at emotionally in that moment. This is where the randomness comes in.
Let’s say you approach a girl on Sunday and she’s just sitting on a park bench. She may be very receptive. But then you if you approached that same girl on a Friday when she’s just getting out of work and she’s rushed to get home, she’s not going to be receptive to your approach. She’s going to reject you.
A lot of the times it doesn’t have to do with you directly. It can. How you’re coming across also affects what the girl thinks. But guys put too much pressure on themselves. They judge themselves too harshly just because certain girls reject them.
It’s not just your game that will determine if you get the girl. Sometimes it’s just how the girl is feeling in that particular moment. Maybe her cat died. Maybe her boyfriend just broke up with her. Maybe she had a bad argument with one of her best friends. You never know.
Don’t blame her state on yourself. You never know what state she’s in mentally until you approach.
All right, so getting back to my sword analogy, I think the more challenges you go through, the more obstacles you go through. The more rejections you go through, the better you will become as person because you’ll stop caring what people think. That’s a big one. You’ll stop giving a shit what the people around you think. What girls think. What your parents think. What your grandma thinks.
All that will become important is what you think of yourself, and you’ll start getting to know yourself better.
I think that’s a really, really great thing that is very rare for men. A lot of men don’t know themselves. You will know what you’re about. What kind of behavior you’re willing to accept from women and what kind of behavior you are not willing to accept from women,, And that’ll help forge you as a man. You’ll become more masculine. More present. More powerful.
The other thing about rejection is the more rejection you undergo, the more confident you will become because you won’t give a shit anymore. You won’t care that a girl rejects you.
A lot of guys are very in their heads. They go up to a girl and because they’re thinking, “I don’t want this girl to reject me. I really care what she thinks. She’s really beautiful, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah” they will get rejected.
You don’t want to go in like that. You want to approach like,
“Yeah, let’s see what she’s about. I know who I am. Her opinion doesn’t matter. I’m gonna go up to her. I’m gonna tell her I think she’s attractive. I’m gonna have a small conversation with her. It’s not a big deal.”
And that’s how you should go in because a lot of these girls will reject you. They won’t care who you are. They maybe have a boyfriend or a fuck buddy or they’re not really interested in men right now. Or they’re focusing on their career. It’s impossible to tell.
All you can do is approach women and basically try to find out who will be accepting of your approach and who won’t be. And everything else doesn’t really matter.
The other great thing about accepting rejection and getting rejected by women is it will also transfer into other areas of your life. For example, I run a digital marketing agency. And because I go up to women and accept the fact that some will reject me and a few will like me and a few few will really like me, I’m willing to accept that same fact and take that same amount of confidence going in and asking business owners if they need someone to help them market their services.
And just like I know, a lot of girls reject me, I know even more business owners reject me when I ask them if they need help promoting their businesses. I know a lot of them are bombarded by other digital marketing agencies. I know it’ll be harder to get a chance to even speak with them.
So I know rejection is just part of the process.
Maybe they’ll ignore me and not respond to any of my emails or phone calls or direct response letters. But every rejection, like I said, will make you stronger whether you get it in business or whether it’s in your dating life. At one point you will just stop caring.
Now you have to do a lot of approaches. This is over time.
You have to do probably a few 1000 to even feel like you’re getting somewhere,
but it will happen.
So get out there and make some approaches. Talk to a few cute women today. Time
is ticking away. You don’t want to be on your deathbed thinking about that
attractive girl you didn’t approach today because you were afraid of what she
or others would think of you.
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