So today I want to talk about how you can be the kind of asshole or jerk that women love. There are two kinds of assholes, the caring asshole and the uncaring asshole.

The caring asshole, and this is where 99% of nice guys end up after deciding they are going to be asshole for a change, goes from being nice to being an asshole by becoming misogynistic, insulting women, putting them down, acting overly macho, etc.

Now even though a guy may be acting like this, he still cares what these women think of him. He still cares about getting these women to date him or to like him. He still wants validation from women. The women’s reactions are important to him. So he’ll insult a woman hoping that may get her to like him. If a woman rejects him, he will be quick to call her a “bitch” or to insult her back. Rejections mess with his internal state. He is not emotionally stable.

The caring asshole is a guy who does things from a place of neediness or anger. He’s coming from a place or pain or resentment. He is also very externally focused. That mean’s he’s basing a lot of his behavior as a reaction to what women are doing. It’s not emanating from within.

He is looking to get a particular reaction or outcome from women so he behaves like an asshole in order to get it. He is reactive to what women say or to what they do. He is very invested in every interaction and too outcome dependent. He usually invests a lot energy in his interactions with women. Some guys become very vindictive or mean. This type of asshole is childish, overactive, petty and worst of all mean spirited. When people say you are being a “dick” this is the type of guy you are.

Now let’s move on to the Uncaring Asshole.

The uncaring asshole literally does not care about what women think of him. He doesn’t usually directly insult women, although he can. But he doesn’t invest a lot of energy or emotion in any of his interactions with women. This is the concept most former nice guys miss.

The uncaring asshole has a very aloof and detached attitude. He is not focused externally – it’s all  internal. This guy sees himself as the prize or the higher value person in his interactions with women. And this attitude is sub communicated in everything he does. You can see it in the way he speaks and you can see it in his behavior. His mannerisms, body language, and tonality are what communicate his uncaring asshole attitude. He’s the type of guy that can take it or leave it.

This is the type of guy who women will complain that he never buys them any presents, forgets important days (birthdays), flirts with other women, doesn’t call or text them that much, etc. He’s kind of indifferent. He doesn’t ever commit to one woman, he rarely gets into a traditional relationship. He likes to have sex, but after sex he leaves. He’s also not the type to let rejection affect him.  An uncaring asshole usually thinks a woman that rejects him is weird because most women respond well to him.

How the Caring Asshole Treats Women

He goes up to a girl and makes a crass comment. She in turn insults him and he insults her back calling her a bitch. She calls him an asshole and leaves. He feels good about being called an asshole, but hates that he got rejected and doesn’t really understand why. This is not the kind of guy you want to be.

How the Uncaring Asshole Treats Women

I have a friend, who is an uncaring asshole, let’s call him John.  A few years back, we met another friend and his wife at a nice bar on the beach. Three girls call John wanting to hang out. They want him to give them a ride, he says he drank and suggests they take a cab. They agree if he promises to give them a hnride afterwards. John says ok.

The girls come, we call hang out. After an hour Jon then see 2 hot chicks he knows, he goes to hang out with them and shortly after him and the two girls leave to go to a house party. He didn’t even come back to our group to say Bye, he just left with those 2 chicks. The 3 girls that came to see him are stuck at this bar with no ride.

Are you starting to see the difference? Uncaring assholes just do what is in their best interest. They are selfish, they put themselves first but they aren’t malicious or mean about it. They don’t try to be assholes. It just sort of happens because they are selfish. And these qualities, make them a challenge to women. Here’s the caveat, although they are very popular with women, their other relationships with friends are kind of superficial.

Another example, I’m not naturally that affectionate. I don’t do the hand holding or kissing or touching unless I know it’s going to lead to sex. This makes me distant, which most women see as a challenge. They can never get enough of me because most women love affection and kissing and touching. It’s like being in a dessert with no water and really wanting it, then someone gives you a few drops of water at a time…it’s never really enough to quench your thirst so you become dependent on that person.

Now I’m not doing this consciously, it’s just how I am, but a lot of women have called me an asshole because they wanted to cuddle or affection and I just wasn’t in the mood or I knew it wouldn’t lead to sex so I didn’t want to do it.

Last example, me and one of the girls I’m dating are hanging out. She brings her cute friend to our coffee date. Her friend and I have a lot in common. We start talking about all our shared hobbies and she lights up. We are just talking, not flirting.

The girl I’m dating starts getting jealous and keeps trying to break up the convo, but she doesn’t have anything to add so me and her friend keep talking. At one point my girl gets up and starts flirting with one of the guy baristas. I don’t care though, so I keep talking to her friend because I am enjoying the convo. My girl comes back after 10 minutes and keep insisting we have to go. I begrudgingly let her pull me away.

An uncaring asshole is not afraid to lose any one girl because he knows he can easily find another girl. I mean most girls may look different, but they behave the same. You can replace any one girl. No one girl is your special soul mate. Stop believing that “Soul Mate” myth!

Most guys who believe in that crap are not approaching and having sex with several different women. If you have at least 3 to 4 women you could be having sex with any day of the week, you will never let yourself be brainwashed or controlled. 

So to summarize, don’t ever be butt-hurt because you are expecting a certain outcome from a woman. Don’t ever come from a place of being mean spirited. Instead be aloof. Remember that nothing is a big deal. Start putting yourself first.

You want to be internally focused. You should not care if it works out with a woman or not. You should not be super happy if a woman says “Yes” and you should not be super depressed if she says “No.” As long as you are approaching women regularly, you will be meeting and dating enough women to keep any neediness for any one woman at bay.